so these are my newest thoughts...
i am absolutely infatuated with david labahn. i have come to realize that i like him more than anything. i have realized that in getting to know him, there is nothing i don't like. i don't see anything that makes me not like him or see him as a potential husband.
the past day i have been having a lot of trouble with it though. i'm just tired of liking him, and him not liking me back. i'm tired of feeling like he has all of the qualities i want in the guy i marry and not seeing anything back from him. to me, it just makes sense for us to be together. we get along so well and i see all of the qualities i want in a husband in him. so knowing that he may not be the one i marry is kinda hard for me. if i'm not supposed to be with him, then i want to get over him. i want to be able to just be friends with him and not have those feelings attached to our friendship.
i'm just tired of liking him and him not liking me back. if i'm not supposed to be with him, then i want these feelings to go away. amanda told me something today...
why would i like him so much if something is not gonna come out of it. whether it's a relationship or something else. i don't know what that thing might be, but maybe i like david as much as i do for some other reason. maybe right now that's the only way to keep in my life for something else that's gonna happen. so i don't know why this is happening, but i just need to have faith that there is a good reason for it.
so for now, i'm just gonna seek after God and work on my life. I'm just gonna work on being happy with me and growing stronger in my relationship with God. I know that I need to be in the right place in life and my relationship with God before He will show me that guy i'm supposed to be with. So that's what i'm gonna work on. i'm not gonna work on my relationship with God just so He'll show me who i'm gonna marry. I know that i need to work on it for myself. I need to have a good relationship with Him so i'll be happy and not doing the same things. I'm ready to live my life for Him. I want His desires for my life to be my desires. So for now, that's what i'm gonna focus on.
other then that, what's been happening...
school is good. i have three days of actually going to school then it's spring break! the twilight movie comes out on dvd on saturday! i'm super excited about that. i just got to spend a week with peyton and amber while brandon and kendra were on a cruise. it was probably the best/most tiring week of my life. peyton absolutely loved david. she just went right up to him and gave him a hug and a kiss. it was the cutest thing ever. alyssa is moving back from oregon on monday! i couldn't be more excited to have her back. i miss her like crazy. i'm on this working out kick and i hope it lasts a long time. lol. i've been working out every other day. i run on the treadmill and do crunches and squats. that's all i've done so far. but i'm really trying to eat healthier and get more fit. i'm tired of being the weight i am... so i'm working on that. i've been meeting with sarah every other monday. i love it so much. we're reading through captivating right now. it's nice having someone older to talk to. she is so wise it's incredible. i love it when she prays for me, she always says the right things and i know that it's from God. she is an amazing mentor. hmm. what else is going on... that's actually all i can think about at the moment. but trust me, more blogs will come!
